Why are we so afraid of negative emotions?
Guest Post by Bee Joynes.
In my early 20’s, I had started my search in pursuit of happiness. I had found love and was having success in my chosen career but found myself wanting more.
Up until this point my understanding of happiness was that it was a place you arrived at and were then forever blessed to live a happy life, one of the chosen few (I probably read a few too many fairy tales as a child I think). I was not naturally a positive person and I had the false idea that some people had life happen to them and some people were just happy.
I guess a few lessons learnt along the way and the maturity to realise that we hold a lot of the power to be happy in our own hands, finally made me realise that living positively was a choice. Phew, what a relief, now that I had that lesson learnt I was well on my way to becoming Happy. Wasn’t I?
Well, I realised at this point that it was a choice to live a positive life. I realised that I needed to chose positive thoughts, be around positive people and that each small decision I made daily led me towards the positive and happy life I wanted to create for myself. But with all this positive going on, what did I do with the negative stuff?
I am not talking negative thoughts here because the positive attitude soon cancels those out. I am talking about the gut wrenching, out of control, negative emotions like anger, jealousy, disappointment, grief, fear…. Sometimes positive thinking just isn’t enough.
This is not a success only journey.
“Life is not a success only journey”
- Dr Phil
The reality is that people will hurt us, disappoint us and anger us. We will suffer grief, the break down of a relationship, financial strain and be really hurt by somebody we love, at some point in our lives. We need to have realistic expectations about life so that when these things occur we have the strength to ride the storm. Know that you are strong enough to survive this and one day you will feel joy again.
Be honest
I know this is hard because it means being really open with another person and therefore leaving yourself wide open to rejection. Built up, un-resolved anger can poison a relationship from the inside and it can also damage your health and peace of mind. You need to be honest with yourself and others if you are feeling depressed or angry because bottling it up will only last for so long. Most importantly, be honest with yourself and make the decision to start to work through unresolved feelings.
Give yourself permission
Women are especially guilty of feeling guilty for their feelings. We like to be seen as ‘nice’ and will often put our own feelings aside, to please others and then we bottle up our resentment. Anger, frustration, sadness…..these are all normal, healthy emotions and you need to find a healthy way to express yourself when these feelings emerge. Life is not perfect and you will feel angry and upset with other people. This does not make you ‘un-nice’ and you are completely within your rights to say NO or to feel anger if somebody hurts you. If you handle the situation with consideration then you do not have to apologize for your feelings.
Pay attention
We need to learn to be fully present in a moment of intense emotional and try to identify the message. Oir Negative thinking patterns and negative emotions can tell us a lot about ourselves and if we pay close attention they can lead us to a better life. Discontentment is often a sign that there are changes we need to make in our life, frustration may give us the opportunity to reach out for help and anger speaks of unresolved issues. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see it clearly and yet if we stop and really pay attention we realize that we had the answer all along.
Be kind to yourself
Finally, treat yourself with the compassion you would show your children, spouse or best friend. When you find yourself dismissing your hurts or berating yourself for your anger…STOP! What would you tell a loved one in this situation? Would you show compassion, offer advice or give comfort? Give that to yourself.
Are you being kind to yourself ?? Are you having realistic expectations from your life ?? Do you have a fear of negative emotions ??
How about returning back the favor by sharing this with other awesome people like you.
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People do a lot of bad and stupid things for fear of rejection. You have articulated a lot of deep thoughts, and I thank you for that. Keep writing and drawing! You work is beautiful. {:-Deb
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My attitude tends to be good, despite the problems. I do find that there are a lot of angst ridden people. I try to avoid those.
Jolie
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What’s the true meaning of happiness?
One has to understand this before one can truly say ‘I am a happy person’. It involves alot of changes in ourselves. Bee Joynes is right, not just positive thinking. Positive attitude towards oneself and learning to forgive oneself are part of those changes.
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What is the use of thinking & worrying about negative thoughts. Y can’t u think that a negative thing has happened to bring some positive into your life.
This post was simply superb & cool. The step by step explanation & presented way is cool.
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Great article. Thanks for the redirect. I have now updated my link to here.
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Negative emotions are just that – negative. So, we try to avoid them. They are unpleasant but a meaningful part of our life and experience that give balance each of us.
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This is a very interesting article indeed. To me positive thinking is really about developing a ‘can do’ attitude and moving away from negativity and procrastination. This is easier said than done for a lot of people and that is why it is good to be able to find good advice around. What you have written in your post really makes sense. Thank You, I will be checking back to keep up with future posts.
[Reply]
Raj_thepositive Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 4:34 am
Thanks for finding my article interesting !! Yeah, you are right, Even I believe the same,
The only way to quit procrastination is – 'Do it now'. I know Its difficult but – If you think, you can do it, I always believe – Where there is a will, there is a way !! And yeah sure, I will always be there for my advice.
By the way, you can subscribe to the blog to get an automatic email once I write a new post.
[Reply]
I am guilty of one this points: I am very harsh on myself. For every little things, we are so critical about our selves that we constantly forget how good we can be too! And we are almost always good, it is just that we remember flaws too often
I realy hope to correct myself on this front. Thanks a lot for this great list.
My recent post Gaps on a Stock Chart
[Reply]
I understand, It does happen. From childhood, our elders keep telling us things which indirectly can bring negativity in us:
Dont do this, it is bad.
Stay away from that…
Just to quote an example, i have seen a cousin of mine telling his child – 'you should not misbehave',
I guess it would make a more positive impact if he would have said to the child- Dear, please behave nicely with others. Because if you behave nicely with them, others will also respect you and behave nicely with you.
It is up to us, which side do we want to look at in our lives: http://thepositivelife.com/2008/09/a-half-filled-...
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