Guest Post by Bee Joynes.

In my early 20’s, I had started my search in pursuit of happiness. I had found love and was having success in my chosen career but found myself wanting more.

Up until this point my understanding of happiness was that it was a place you arrived at and were then forever blessed to live a happy life, one of the chosen few (I probably read a few too many fairy tales as a child I think). I was not naturally a positive person and I had the false idea that some people had life happen to them and some people were just happy.

I guess a few lessons learnt along the way and the maturity to realise that we hold a lot of the power to be happy in our own hands, finally made me realise that living positively was a choice. Phew, what a relief, now that I had that lesson learnt I was well on my way to becoming Happy. Wasn’t I?

Well, I realised at this point that it was a choice to live a positive life. I realised that I needed to chose positive thoughts, be around positive people and that each small decision I made daily led me towards the positive and happy life I wanted to create for myself. But with all this positive going on, what did I do with the negative stuff?

I am not talking negative thoughts here because the positive attitude soon cancels those out. I am talking about the gut wrenching, out of control, negative emotions like anger, jealousy, disappointment, grief, fear…. Sometimes positive thinking just isn’t enough.

This is not a success only journey.

“Life is not a success only journey”

- Dr Phil

The reality is that people will hurt us, disappoint us and anger us. We will suffer grief, the break down of a relationship, financial strain and be really hurt by somebody we love, at some point in our lives. We need to have realistic expectations about life so that when these things occur we have the strength to ride the storm. Know that you are strong enough to survive this and one day you will feel joy again.

Be honest

I know this is hard because it means being really open with another person and therefore leaving yourself wide open to rejection. Built up, un-resolved anger can poison a relationship from the inside and it can also damage your health and peace of mind. You need to be honest with yourself and others if you are feeling depressed or angry because bottling it up will only last for so long. Most importantly, be honest with yourself and make the decision to start to work through unresolved feelings.

Give yourself permission

Women are especially guilty of feeling guilty for their feelings. We like to be seen as ‘nice’ and will often put our own feelings aside, to please others and then we bottle up our resentment. Anger, frustration, sadness…..these are all normal, healthy emotions and you need to find a healthy way to express yourself when these feelings emerge. Life is not perfect and you will feel angry and upset with other people. This does not make you ‘un-nice’ and you are completely within your rights to say NO or to feel anger if somebody hurts you. If you handle the situation with consideration then you do not have to apologize for your feelings.

Pay attention

We need to learn to be fully present in a moment of intense emotional and try to identify the message. Oir Negative thinking patterns and negative emotions can tell us a lot about ourselves and if we pay close attention they can lead us to a better life. Discontentment is often a sign that there are changes we need to make in our life, frustration may give us the opportunity to reach out for help and anger speaks of unresolved issues. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see it clearly and yet if we stop and really pay attention we realize that we had the answer all along.

Be kind to yourself

Finally, treat yourself with the compassion you would show your children, spouse or best friend. When you find yourself dismissing your hurts or berating yourself for your anger…STOP! What would you tell a loved one in this situation? Would you show compassion, offer advice or give comfort? Give that to yourself.

Are you being kind to yourself ?? Are you having realistic expectations from your life ?? Do you have a fear of negative emotions ??